I am in a season of hard. And if I am in a season of hard that means my family is in a season of hard.
God has called us to a new ministry, a new non-for-profit. When I say new I mean new in all aspects. There is nothing exactly like what we are doing so we can’t copy. New as in from the ground up, no money, no people, no nothing. Just a dream, with Jeremy and I and our 4 amazing Board of Directors. But we are in full belief we are suppose to do this and in full faith that if He called us to it He will do it.
With all this “new” it is hard. It’s not what I want, I’m being honest here. But it is what we are suppose to do. Jeremy and I both still have real full time jobs with employees and lots of people depending on us. We have 5 kids to still try to raise and parent and at the very minimum just get them to school on time. Let alone our “wants” and things in life that are fun thing we want to do.
It is hard. I am tired.
Last spring when we were launching One City I was driving home on a long drive, tired and exhausted. Overwhelmed by this huge task that God has called our family to. I was crying and driving. I tend to do that often. As I was driving along I was saying to myself “I want to quit”. In my mind I was rationalizing everything. If I quit now it wont matter, if I quit now we have not received anyones else’s money. If I quit now we can just re-sale the building. If I quit now we can live a “normal” life. I was a hot mess of trying to rationalize quitting on One City before it ever even had a chance to take off.
Here is what I heard oh so very clearly “I called you to this because I know you wont quit”. Mic drop.
It was the smack myself in the face and pull yourself together moment. The voice from the Lord was right, I won’t quit. I just won’t do it. Unless God tells me to step away or quit, I will not. I am a not a quitter on this one. It is hard and it is scary and we are walking into territory we have ZERO clue on, but I will not quit.
I took the this morning off and sat on my couch and stared at nothing. I was once again feeling weary because we didn’t get a grant we were hoping for. Sitting here thinking we have no idea how we are going to do what we know we know we are suppose to do in 2018. But I will not quit.
This morning as I sat and thought about all this in front of us, I heard the words again “I know you won’t quit”.
I have quit before on things. I am not saying anyone out there that has quit on something should feel shame or less of yourself. I have been there. I have quit on many many things in life. But this one, I know God has called our family straight into the face of hard and we can’t quit. Because the thing about One City is not about me or my family, it is about the Kingdom of God, it’s about His people.
I read a book recently called “Chase the Lion” in it it says “your dreams should be so big that they will fail without divine intervention”. I can honestly say with my whole heart we are living this right now. Without divine intervention this will fail. It is so far out of our hands, we are just taking one step at a time. And guess what? We are seeing diving intervention almost daily. I will not quit.
Even in the hard we are finding joy and happiness we would have never experienced otherwise. Our family is becoming stronger together in ways we never would have. Our kids are learning to be stretched out of their comfort zone and they are learning sacrifice of their own “wants’ to what God wants. Is it easy, no. Is it good for us, yes.
I am grateful for the hard. But hard is hard. Today my way of processing was to write. So bear with me. I am not re-reading this and correcting it 20 times. I am typing and writing, saving and posting. I need some grace on this post friends because I am not overthinking it and over writing it. Errors will be everywhere, I am sure of it.
My family and I recently watched the Miss Universe pageant together (funny right, we love it though). One of the contestants was asked what was the best advice you’ve ever been given. She said my grandma always told me this “You do not fail until you quit”. I LOVED it. Go grandma!! This has become a family favorite saying for us. It also felt pretty fitting for this post.
You do not fail until you quit.
I will not quit.